The World Might Be Blessed With Another Chosen One

May 13, 2013 / Posted by:

When Beyonce went to the Met Gala last week, some said that there was clearly a first trimester Tempur-Pedic baby bump underneath her dress. But I figured that since Beyonce wore a rug, she had a little bump under her belt, because she shoved a bottle of carpet cleaner, a hand-held vac and a lint roller in there. Well, now “music industry insiders” (read: Basement Baby’s Campbell Soup phone finally got a clear connection) tell Page Six that Blue Ivy Carter better make some room in her 40,000 square foot nursery, because she’s getting a roommate soon.

P6’s sources say one of Jay-Z’s camel sperms humped its way into one of Beyonce’s ovary eggs and now she’s got the third coming growing in her womb. Beyonce is currently twerking her lace front off all over Europe in her Mrs. Carter Show world tour. Beyonce’s rep wouldn’t open their mouths when Page Six asked for a comment.

I refuse to beylieve any of this until Beyonce shamelessly rubs her bump after performing at a second tier awards show. The Billboard Music Awards are this weekend… No, I’m sure Beyonce’s baby announcement will be much more subtle this time around and by that I mean three extras dressed as Wise Men will carry her knocked up ass on a bed covered in golden hay through the streets as white smoke billows out of the House of Dereon’s chimney. When Catholic abuelitas start fainting over the news that the second reincarnation of Jesus will be here soon, then we’ll really know that Beyonce is knocked up.

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