Double The Clooney (Sort Of)

May 10, 2013 / Posted by:

Above is the trailer for August: Osage County, which George Clooney isn’t in, but he’s one of the producers and his name comes up first, so he’s obviously the MOST IMPORTANT thing about this movie. I never saw or read the play, so I don’t know for sure, but isn’t it supposed to be dark and cynical and heartbreaking and shit? This looks like a semi-uplifting family comedy that ends with everybody skipping through the fields while a Sheryl Crow song plays. Then during the credits, they’ll show bloopers. But DAMN at Ewan McGregor’s hotness. Who knew that when you put a beard on him and drop in the south, he can make my nipples twitch.

Below is the trailer for Gravity, which George Clooney is in for second. This is the movie that Alfonso CuarĂ³n has tried to make forever. Angie Jolie was going to do it, then she passed, then they begged her again, then she passed again, then they almost got Natalie Portman, then Natalie Portman passed and then they finally got Sandra Bullock. Sandra and George play two astronauts who go to space together. One second they’re like, “Oooh, everything’s so pretty,” and then the next second they’re like, “Aaaaaah, we’re dying!” Their space shuttle blows up and Sandra goes drifting into space by herself. It’s like 127 Hours and Open Water in SPACE!

And some people got really nervous and had to reach for the oxygen mask while watching this, but I just wondered if Sandra Bullock put on an extra pair of space diapers underneath her suit. Because the only thing worse than floating aimlessly through space is floating aimlessly through space in a suit full of caca.

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