Tiger Woods Got Plastered At The Met Gala

May 8, 2013 / Posted by:

Either Tiger Woods is tripping so hard that his eyeballs are trying to jump out of his body, or that dude behind him is giving him the shocker, or he got nervous while realizing that it’s been exactly 4 hours since he’s stuck his wandering peen into a trick who isn’t his girlfriend.

Awkward couple Tiger Woods and Lindsey Vonn went to the Met Gala together on Monday, because the real theme of the night was awkwardness (see: Kim and Kanye, Kristen Stewart and 90% of the dresses there), so they could be openly awkward among all the awkwardness. Tiger Woods somehow made it through the Met Gala without massaging his face against the ass cheeks of every cocktail server who walked by him. But UsWeekly says that at a Met Gala after-party at the Boom Boom Room in The Standard Hotel, Tiger got wonk-eyed drunk, fell on some stairs and embarrassed Lindsey Vonn.

Some witness type said that Tiger looked uncomfortable at the party and what do most people do when they’re uncomfortable at a party? Get plastered! Tiger drank the booze up and when it came time to leave, his drunk ass fell while walking up some stairs. Tiger Woods sat there for a second until Lindsey clenched her teeth, pulled him and helped him to the car.

Drunkenly falling on some stairs at a dumb party is the least embarrassing thing Tiger Woods has ever done. But I’m sure Lindsey Vonn always look embarrassed. That’s just what her face naturally looks like now. Your boyfriend calling you “Elin” during fuck times and your boyfriend coming home smelling like banana cream pie from Perkins and random snatch will cause your face to get stuck in the embarrassed position.

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