Britain’s Grain of Salt Daily (aka The Sun) says that supposedly Macaulay Culkin and supposedly sober-ish Pete “Dreamboat” Doherty have become best friends 4EVER and are now living together in one apartment in Paris. Hmmm…. So a former child star with a bank account full of gold bars is living in the same apartment as a legendary mess who, if he had all the money in the world, would fill a giant empty concrete pool with coke and snort his way through it all night? What could possibly go wrong?
A source tells The Sun that Macaulay and Dreamboat met through a mutual musician friend named Adam Green and the three of them worked on a “ketamine-inspired” movie called The Wrong Ferrari. After making that movie, Macaulay and Dreamy got a place together. Macaulay wants to be in Paris, because he’s done with acting and wants to be an artist type. The source said:
“Macaulay and Pete may seem an odd couple but they’ve got loads of interests and life experiences in common.
“They bonded over their love of poetry and art. Macaulay can’t get enough of listening to Pete waxing lyrical about his painting and music. He’s always been a fan of extreme characters like Pete. Look at the way he defends his childhood friend Michael Jackson (Ed. note: How timely!). Pete also loves talking to Macaulay about acting, as he’s been trying to launch a movie career.”
I used to live in an apartment where the bathroom ceiling leaked every time the chick above me took a shower and she took a shower at least 4 times a day. When the world runs out of water and we’re all crawling down the street begging for someone to spit in our dry mouths, we can blame that chick. I figured she either had OCD or was turning tricks in her apartment. Well, the people in the apartment below Macaulay and Dreamboat never have to worry about that, because those two never ever take showers.
But maybe Macaulay and Dreamboat aren’t going to use his Home Alone money to buy mannequins sculpted out of coke that they’ll hump day and night. Maybe they’ll shock us all by becoming wholesome homebodies and shit. Maybe they’ll use Dreamboat’s old crack pipes to plant an herb garden on the kitchen windowsill and the only white powder they’ll handle will be the powdered sugar they sprinkle over the cherry tarts they baked together.
If Macaulay and Dreamboat’s downstairs neighbor hears their shower turn on, they’ll know that those two have really changed and then they’ll call the news, because Pete Doherty bathing is the final sign of the apocalypse.