Hot Slut Of The Day!

May 7, 2013 / Posted by:

Since he’s the only thing anybody was talking about last night and I got more links to his now classic interview than spam emails from beautiful Ukrainian women in my inbox, you probably already know about American hero Charles Ramsey and I’m sure him saying “I’m eating my McDonald’s” is already your ring tone.

Amanda Berry, Gina DeJesus and Michelle Knight were kidnapped roughly 10 years ago and yesterday they were rescued from their kidnappers’ house in Cleveland by neighbors including salsa and barbecue-loving Charles Ramsey. Charles ate ribs and listened to salsa music with his neighbor and had no idea the crazy dude was a kidnapper. Nobody can tell Charles’ account of Amanda Berry’s rescue better than Charles can, so here’s the first interview he gave.

“I knew something was wrong when a little pretty white girl goes running into a black man’s arms.” If Charles Ramsey has more priceless gems like that stored up in his brain, then I’m going to need him to write the Gospel According to Charles Ramsey and a copy of it needs to be put in the back of every church pew.

After Charles spat out that line, the interview got a little too real for that reporter and he almost fell back the same way I fell back when first putting my eyes on Charles’ glorious receding hairline mullet.

And since nobody can get enough of Charles Ramsey, here he is telling the story again to a different reporter:

And finally here’s the 911 call, which starts with “I’m sitting on my porch eatin’ my lil’ food” and ends with “I bet she been kidnapped, so put yourself in her shoes,” so you know it’s already a classic.

Sylvia Browne, who has the psychic skills of a broken Magic 8-Ball, wrongly predicted Amanda Berry’s death a long time ago, but even her dumb ass can predict that Charles Ramsey is going to be the newest auto-tune superstar.

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