Anne Hathaway irritates me as much as chewing on a ball of foil does, but at least she TRIED last night, which is way more than I can say about some of the bland, bottom of the barrel basic bitches who showed up at the Met Gala not knowing what the hell the theme was. I mean, some asshole said on the carpet, “Well, I’m wearing hot pink and that’s kind of punk rock.” (I’m looking at you, GOOPY!) Anne wore a Valentino gown from 1991 (which means it’s grunge, which mean it’s sort of kind of not really punk) and she said that she dipped her hair in bleach, because she wanted to give us some Debbie Harry. Um….
She was going for Debbie Harry, but she made a sharp right turn, bounced along a dirt road, crashed through the farm gates and hit right into Julia Roberts circa 1991. Just like Julia, she looks like the spawn of Sandy Duncan and a lame horse. I kind of it like it….
Anyway, here’s some other blondes (natural, fake and everything in between) and white haired hos at the Met Gala.
Nicole Richie – Looking like a dusty piece of baby’s breath that got burnt in the sun.
Dakota Fanning – Looking like the most wholesome girl at the prom who wants to look like the sluttiest girl at the prom.
Elle Fanning – I need to drop a lot of acid before I try to process this wreck. But Jerry Garcia approves!
Goopy Paltrow – You can lick the tip of this faded neon pink marker all you want, but it’s done and needs to be thrown into the trash!
January Jones – Even though she looks like an albino, malnourished alien boy who shits through his eyes, she’ll still try to take your man.
Nicki Minaj – Bitch should’ve worn that Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction wig over her face instead of on top of her head.
Sienna Miller – I think she’s wearing a sadist’s favorite pair of anal beads on her head and there’s nothing more punk rock than that.
Stacy Kiebler – Looking like the day-shift cocktail waitress of a Mad Max-themed bar and grill in Arizona.
Uma Thurman – If the night’s theme was look like a glamorous tulip leaf, she would’ve nailed it! And is that Penny Marshall taking pictures behind her?
Cameron Diaz – Why is this giving me Audrey Hepburn in Always vibes? I’m into that spiked belt, though. I hope that sometime during the night, she front hugged Goopy Paltrow REAL tight.
Blake NotSoLively – I should slap myself for uploading pictures of this WHO CARES.