Although, when Lindsay Lohan talks to anyone, severe delusion ensues.
Two of America’s biggest pain in the asses got together to talk about rehab, coke, booze, shitty parents, lesbianism, helping children and fame, and the entire interview will be used by psychology professors when discussing pseudologia fantastica (aka the lying bitch disorder).
Piers Morgan can induce an eye roll out of me just by breathing, but he does get points for throwing direct questions at Lindsay Lohan and she gets points for not exploding into a freckled tsunami of coked up laughs while spitting out lie after lie after lie. If you’ve ever wanted to see a lie detector explode into a million pieces, just hook it up to the transcript of this interview.
Before checking into Betty Ford, LieLow talked to Piers Morgan in NYC and according to her, sending her to rehab is pointless, because she’s basically a sober saint who only wants to act in movies and help children. If you haven’t already read it, you should read the entire interview, because if anything it’ll show you that you have the ability to cackle, snort, roll your eyes, fart and jack off the air at the same time. Here’s a few highlights from The Daily Mail:
What LiLo said after Piers asked her if she liked booze after having her first drink at the age of 17: “No, I got really sick and Mum made me sleep with vomit still on me so I’d understand how it felt. I didn’t drink again throughout high school. I was too scared!”
What LiLo meant: “Did I say 17? I meant 7. I got really sick and mum made me sleep with vomit still on me, so I’d feel ashamed about being an embarrassing lightweight! Yes, I said ‘mum.’ I turn British when talking to a British person. It’s the Madge in me.”
What LiLo said after Piers asked her how many times she’s done coke: “Everyone thinks I’ve done it so many times. But I’ve only done it maybe four or five times in my life. Yes, I don’t like it. It reminds me of my dad. I took it four times in a period from about the age of 20 to 23, and I got caught twice.”
What LiLo meant: “I’ve only done it maybe four or five times in the past hour. Or maybe I’ve only done it four or five dozen times in the past hour. I don’t remember. Mum, cut me another line! I need to get my memory juices flowing.”
What LiLo said after Piers told her that anybody with common sense probably isn’t going to believe that she’s only snorted coke four times in her life: “It’s the truth. I’ve never taken heroin either, never injected myself with anything, never done LSD. Those things all scare me.”
What LiLo meant: “It’s the truth and when I say ‘it’s the truth,’ I really mean that I’m lying my ass lips off!”
What LiLo said after Piers asked her what other drugs she’s done: “Pot, obviously. And ecstasy. I liked that better than the others (giggles). I didn’t drink on it, so I was just chilling. It’s something that a lot of people experience when they’re in college. I just should have known that being in the public eye, someone was bound to say something or try to make some money off it.”
What LiLo meant: “Listen, I’ve only got 6 cigs left and if I’m going to list all the drugs I’ve done, I’m going to need at least 10 cartons of Reds. So either send your intern out to Costco or lets keep the lies moving.”
What LiLo said after Piers asked her if her crazy father is unstable: “He definitely needs to see a therapist. He went to rehab once but got kicked out. That’s one thing that’s never happened to me!”
What LiLo meant: “He went to rehab once but got kicked out. That’s one thing that’s never hahahahaha, even I can’t complete that ridiculous lie.”
What LiLo said after Piers asks her if she drinks a lot: “Not really. I’ve never been a huge drinker. I’ve never woken up in the morning and had a drink.”
What LiLo meant: “I’ve never woken up in the morning and had a drink, because I’m usually still tanked from the night before!”
And here’s even more highlights:
On why she’s going to rehab if she isn’t addicted to booze or the bad shit: “This is where it gets hard for me to explain. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with people taking time to just be by themselves. I think people want to see me do that. They will keep saying the same things about me if I don’t. I don’t think it will be a bad thing for me to be away with myself for three months. I don’t think I need to be on lockdown for three months. I don’t think that’s rehab.”
On how the court should send her to other countries to work with children instead of sending her to rehab: “But I think there are other things I could do instead of going to a rehab centre that would benefit me more. The best thing they could do for me would be to make me go abroad to different countries and work with children.”
On how she was in love with SamRo, but now is strictly dickly: “No, I know I’m straight. I have made out with girls before, and I had a relationship with a girl. But I think I needed to experience that and I think I was looking for something different.”
On when was the last time she did drugs: “Probably a year ago… some pot. But I’m not a stoner.”
On what other pills she takes besides Adderall (which she says she only takes for her ADD): “Trazodone (a tranquilliser) if I’ve been travelling and can’t sleep from jet lag. But in small doses, I’m not a pill-popper.”
On if she’s okay with not drinking for a little while: “Yes, I’m fine with that. I don’t drink every day. Heath Ledger (who died from a prescription drugs overdose in 2008) told me to give it up for a year because he’d just done that, and so I did and it wasn’t a problem for me. I didn’t miss it, I felt good. That’s not to say that years from now I won’t have a glass of wine at a dinner, but I’d rather not drink and just focus on work.”
And she goes on and on and on…. There’s just too much here and I can’t. If LiLo still has a publicist, her publicist should just come out and say that every day is Tell The Opposite Of The Truth Day in Lindsay Lohan’s world and she always celebrates that holiday to the fullest!