Hot Slut Of The Day!

May 5, 2013 / Posted by:

Paleta Payaso, the chocolate-covered marshmallow lollipop that is the glue that holds millions of Mexican childhoods together!

When I was a kid, one of my uncles would rent a house in Ensenada every year and so my entire family would go down there and spend a few days together. (I’ll never understand how one of us didn’t go crazy, murder everyone, turn them into tamale meat and then sell them out of a cooler to tourists on the beach.)  One of my favorite things to do down there was to go to the greatest supermarket in the world GIGANTE (pronounced: Hee-Gone-Tay, which is what Taylor Swift hears every time one of her boyfriends escapes from the basement cell she locked him in. “He gone, Tay….”) Gigante isn’t around anymore, but it will always hold a special place in my heart, because it’s where we would buy made-to-order tortillas (which blew my mind) and Paleta Payaso!

Paleta Payaso is a marshmallow lollipop that’s been dipped in chocolate and decorated with gummy eyes and a gummy mouth. It’s been around so long that I’m pretty sure the Mexican soldiers toasted to victory with Paleta Payasos after beating the French. They sell them in Mexican grocery stores here in L.A. and it’s been so long since I’ve had one, so one of my goals today (besides turning my body into 95% tequila) is to get my mouth around a Paleta Payaso!

To my ears, almost everything sounds better in Spanish. In English, “Paleta Payaso” means “clown lollipop” and hearing the words “clown lollipop” makes me want to blow into a rape whistle and scream for an adult. But “Paleta Payaso” doesn’t! However, the horrifying commercial does:

¬°Feliz Cinco de Mayo! Let’s all bite into a Paleta Payaso and turn into serial killer clown children!

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