What In Broken Glow Stick Hell?

May 4, 2013 / Posted by:

Who needs more than $20, a director and a crew to make a music video? All you need is your parents’ garage, a bunch of drugs, a $5 strobe light from Party City, an old camcorder found in a dumpster, a couple of colored light bulbs, a demo version of iMovie and old Fly Girl outfits bought from an In Living Color yard sale.

Vanessa Hudgens stopped shooting Spring Breakers a year ago, but the glow stick fluid still flows through her veins and so she got a bunch of her friends together to make a video for the song $$$ex (Ke$hit will be filing a copyright infringement lawsuit in 3..2..)

One time in the late 90s, I decided to go to a rave sober (pro tip: don’t go to a rave sober) and I stayed sober (pro pro tip: don’t stay sober at a rave) and being sober around a bunch of high hos whose heads are stuck in rainbow-colored clouds is some weird shit. I spent a full hour watching a bunch of high ravers dry orgasm while their ears were pressed up against a speaker. The bass probably shattered their ear drums a million times over but they loved it. The emotions I felt then while watching them are the same ones I’m feeling now while watching this mess of a video. I’m thinking, do I want what they’re having?

When I watched this no budget mess of a shitty video on mute, I kind of liked it. It’s like a public access commercial for a 1-900 chat line on acid.

And here’s Vanessa Hudgens’ twink boyfriend Austin Butler pulling her pants up as she does her worst Lisa Bonet impersonation while walking into The Rolling Stones show at the Staples Center in L.A. last night. Also at The Rolling Stones show last night was The Hoff, Paul Stanley, Nick Simmons, Frasier, Jack Nicholson and Monica Lewinsky. A motley crew of random whores!

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