Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess

May 3, 2013 / Posted by:

No one wants to work with Hollywood’s most difficult mother. She now has a reputation among child care agencies for being the most unpopular celebrity nanny employer and many now only send to her the nannies on their staff who specialise in dealing with mega bitch moms.

She is surprisingly less organised than you would think, often requesting services with no lead time and expecting to be offered priority treatment. When the nanny arrives, she often won’t speak to the person directly, communicating via her assistant, and often implying that the person isn’t attractive enough, and because of this, may or may not sell her out. Because only ugly people compromise confidentiality, I guess?

She confiscates cell phones. She also demands to go through the nanny’s private messages. After a dinner party once, when she and her friends were particularly mouthy, backstabbing several prominent actors and actresses, she demanded to search the nanny who had stayed late — without prior notice — so as to make sure she wasn’t bugged and threatened legal action for no reason. Speaking of working hours, she has been known to require extra time but isn’t willing to pay for it, rationalising her request by blaming the person for an imaginary offensive — like missing diapers or a bent branch/stem in the garden. Ie. “I notice that the whatever bush over there looks a little trampled. You weren’t careful enough. You are staying an extra two hours.”

She is known to be verbally abusive and impatient. She once watched a nanny pick up spilled baby food all over the floor while tapping her hand on the counter and criticising the person’s physique and intellect as the reason for why it was taking so long. Many nannies in LA, hearing horror stories from their peers, have turned potential work placements with her because they don’t want to bother with the drama.

Not Jennifer Garner. (Lainey Gossip)

Sharon Stone, Jessica Alba, Goopy Paltrow or Halle Berry?

It’s probably not Sharon Stone, because if she doesn’t like what a nanny’s doing, she skins that ho with her nails and turns that nanny hide into a pair of boots and a matching purse. It’s probably not Goopy Paltrow, because she doesn’t hire American nannies. She has hers imported from her homeland Britain. So I’ll guess either MiserAlba or Halle Berry?

This former A lister of you define A list as the number of times you get in a tabloid for bad behavior and arrests, but more known for her rapping and interesting name has a new profession. well, not so new. She used to hook before she got famous and her ex now has her on his string again. She is his biggest earner from a select clientele. She is open to anything as long as at the end of the day she gets her fix. I can’t believe with her bad luck that she has not been arrested for it yet. (CDAN)

Foxy Brown?

It has been a long time since there was a multiple choice in one of the blind items. I think I have done it previously, but honestly, don’t remember when. When the Tony Awards were announced, one of the names below went ballistic when they found out they had not been nominated. The person yelled at their agent and then manager and then someone very close to them and said some of the most vile things you could ever imagine. I knew they had a temper, but not like this.

Katie Holmes
Jessica Chastain
Alec Baldwin
Jim Parsons
Bette Midler
Scarlett Johansson

I know you are all thinking Alec Baldwin so you can eliminate him, because, although he might have gone crazy, he is not the one I know about for this. (CDAN)

Kate Holmes’ emotional scale doesn’t jump past ……., so she’s out. I don’t even know if Jim Parsons has the ability to yell at a trick, so he’s out. ScarJo is too bland to come up with vile, filthy shit on her own, so she’s out. That leaves Bette Midler and Jessica Chastain. I’ll go with Bette Midler. She should’ve recorded that meltdown and sent it to the Tony committee. Bitch might’ve gotten an honorary Tony for that performance.

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