So What Did Lindsay Lohan Get Away With Today?

May 2, 2013 / Posted by:

The prosecutors in Santa Monica and L.A. both agreed to let Lindsay Lohan serve her 90-day sentence at the Seafield Center in the Hamptons and on Tuesday night she was putting together 270 looks for rehab (because life’s most important catwalk is the hallway in rehab that leads from your room to your therapist’s office, obviously). But because Lindsay Lohan has to be a rusty nail shoved into everyone’s urethra at all times, she changed rehab places at the last minute. TMZ reported yesterday that Seafield wouldn’t let LiLo smoke, so she was thinking about going to Morningside Recovery in Newport Beach, CA, because they allow cigs. And that’s exactly what she did.

Even though the prosecutors never approved Morningside Recovery, she went anyway. LiLo missed her first flight from NYC to L.A., so she got one of her friends (read: one of her sugar daddies) to lend her their private jets. LiLo checked into Morningside this morning and her Chaka from Land of the Lost-looking ass lawyer Mark Heller was in front of a judge today to get the place approved.

Mark Heller continued to be the gift that keeps on farting by using priceless lines like, “She is ensconced in the bosom of that facility right now.” While he was doing that, the prosecutors told the judge that they first heard about LiLo going to Morningside from the media and Mark Heller never called to tell them about it. Morningside was never on the approval list and the prosecutors have problems with the place. The judge could’ve thrown LiLo in jail for violating the agreement, but doing that would’ve went against the first rule of the California Justice System (never punish Lindsay Lohan), so he’s letting her stay at Morningside until the prosecutors investigate the place. The prosecutors have until next Friday to determine if they’re okay with LiLo serving her sentence at Morningside or not.

TMZ helped prosecutors with their investigation by finding out that Morningside is basically a sober hotel. Morningside’s license to treat was revoked, because they were  “careless” with giving out prescriptions for drugs. Morningside can’t give treatment right now and the only thing they can do is provide a “sober living environment.” 

Like any of that shit really matters. Next Friday, Mark Heller will skip into court on his tiny feet and tell the judge that Lindsay Lohan checked out of Morningside and checked into the Chateau Marmont instead. Yes, the Chateau Marmont is the opposite of a rehab facility and they probably have an in-house coke dealer, but the sheets at Morningside were so itchy and were scratching LiLo’s skin. And the dumb bitch staffers at Morningside wouldn’t let LiLo drink a bottle of vodka with dinner. MONSTERS! The judge will shake his head and tell Mark Heller that the court will send an 8-ball and a case of vodka to LiLo’s room as a thank you for being so accommodating throughout all this. It’s the least they can do! That’s totally what’s going to happen.

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