Lindsay Lohan Checks Into Rehab, Checks Out Two Minutes Later

May 2, 2013 / Posted by:

Just when you think that Lindsay Lohan has scraped the bottom of the barrel of dumb so much that all that’s left is a splinter of wood, she finds a way to scrape some more.

The judge should know to never ever trust a gnome with a law degree, because they are shifty shits and will lie to you with a twinkle in their eyes. That’s exactly what LiLo’s lawyer Mark Heller did in court this morning. He told the judge that LiLo was “ensconced in the bosom of” rehab this morning when she was really buying crap at Fry’s in Fountain Valley, CA. The NYDN says that LiLo eventually made it to Morningside Recovery in Newport Beach, but two minutes after she walked through the door, she walked back through it and left. Don’t strain any of your face muscles on this mess today. Just let my cousin in the background frown for all of us.

According to the NYDN, LiLo showed up to Morningside at around noon, spent a couple of minutes there, got spooked by the paparazzi (uh huh) and then jumped back into her SUV. Someone heard LiLo saying, “I’m not going to rehab…. I’m not going to rehab… Take me back to the airport.” Some source said that LiLo was headed back to LAX to get on a plane to NYC. The Santa Monica City Attorney Terry White said that if it’s true and she is getting on a plane, then a warrant will be issued and she’ll be arrested when she lands in New York.

Radar must’ve sent an alert to Michael Lohan’s pager (he is so the type that still carries a pager) and he stopped kicking vaginas for a second to pipe in about this. Michael tells Radar that it’s true that LiLo is on the run.

Last night, I thought I was really not giving a shit when I ate a cold piece of Popeye’s chicken in the tub. But I should remind myself that nobody doesn’t give a shit more than this bitch doesn’t give a shit. LiLo should make her way to New York, car jack a blue Thunderbird convertible, pick up Amanda Bynes and head for Mexico like a cracked out version of Thelma & Louise.

And on a positive note, I do like the condom hoodie LieLow’s wearing in that picture. The Health Department probably made her wear it.

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