And Here Comes The Rumors That There’s A Fetus In Jennifer Aniston’s Womb

May 1, 2013 / Posted by:

SELF Magazine threw a party in L.A. last night for yoga instructor Mandy Ingber’s new book called Yogalosophy (I can’t with that title) and one of her clients Jennifer Aniston showed up wearing a dress that is making some people ask for the 4,972,620,003rd time if a fetus has moved into her uterus. If Jennifer really had a case of the babies, we’d all know it, because it’d rain clits all around us from her, her family, her friends and tabloid editors screaming their coochies off over the news. Jennifer wore that loose dress and held her stomach like that, because she wanted to give the tabloids the perfect picture to use for their story about how she finally used the vial of Brad Pitt’s frozen sperm she’s been holding on to for the past 8 years to knock herself up with octuplets.

In other Aniston news, UsWeekly says that Justin Theroux has put away his skinny-cut black leather tuxedo, because his wedding isn’t happening anytime soon. Some source says that Jennifer pushed the date back, because she wants her wedding date far, far away from Brangelina’s wedding date. Brad and Angie are supposed to get married this summer. The source said that she doesn’t want “her day associated with them” and Justin is relieved, because he was getting “weirded out by all the rushing.”

Jennifer should get married on the same day as Brangelina, because that will force Maddox to make the hardest decision of his life: does he crash his arch rival’s wedding or does he carry his mom’s black wedding train as she walks on a trail of weed buds toward his dad? The decisions!

On a different note, before Jennifer gets married, if she gets married, she should have a support beam shoved into her ring finger. Because her ring finger is probably barely holding on thanks to that two ton diamond ring and I’m sure a wedding band will cause it to break and fall to the ground.

Here’s a few pictures of the tricks who showed up to last night’s party. In order: Aniston with Mandy, Pete Burns, Kate Beckinsale and the chosen ones’ godmother Mindy Cohn. 

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