I See What You Did There, Red Magazine

April 29, 2013 / Posted by:

For the cover of their June issue, Red Magazine used a picture of Reese Witherspoon looking dozed off  while sitting in the passenger seat of a car. (“I know that look,” said the police officer who busted Laura Jeanne Poon) That picture is like a glamour shot version of Lindsay Lohan’s legendary drunk mess portrait. Reese is so damn drunk in that picture that she doesn’t realize that she’s wearing a bedskirt as a dress!

Reese Witherspoon gave an interview to the UK’s Red Magazine before she got arrested for being a mouthy, drunken mess and the quotes are made of one hundred percent pricelessness. But first, here’s something smart that came out of Reese’s mouth:

“Even now, in America, a woman makes 87 cents to every $1 a man makes. If you’re a black woman, you make 75 cents. You’re a Latin woman, it’s 67 cents. And this is doing the same job. There is enormous inequality in pay and inequality in the workplace to this day.”

Then Reese went on to say that when her kid Tennessee came out of her body, he must’ve brought her brain with him.

“Ever since I had the baby, I can’t remember anything. Serious, this child stole my brain. I’m losing friendships over forgetting to get back to people. But you can’t keep up with everything.”

So maybe Reese wasn’t asking that cop if he knew her name, because she was pulling some “Do you know who I am?” shit. Maybe she was asking that cop if he knew her name, because bitch forgot it. That little fact was stored in the brain that her baby stole! Blame that brain-snatching baby Tennessee for all of this.

And then Reese said this about being a proud successful woman:

“As women, we shrug and smile and say, ‘Oh … me?’ because it makes it socially acceptable for us to be successful. But there is a balance between being an arrogant jerk and being someone who is proud of their accomplishments. We need to let successful women show off and support them. Because men don’t spend any time putting themselves down. They don’t waste their breath.”

That one is just too, too easy.

via NYDN

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