Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess

April 29, 2013 / Posted by:

Which beautiful celebrity who has always been known for her gorgeous looks, although maybe never more than as she has grown older, has a dirty little beauty secrets that she never talks about.

She is always happy to pass on advice about diet and exercise, however the one beauty tip this star doesn’t want the public to know about is that she has been getting colonics for years.

She has “pooped” years away, without saying a word. Only her closest friends and family know about her real tip for staying thin and getting great looking skin – and of course those that have seen her exiting a certain “spa” on Spring Street in New York. A place that is not unknown to many celebrities included one that popped a tube into the bottom of someone who once declared they were the – “king of the world.” (Naughty But Nice Rob)

Maybe this is too obvious, but my only guess is Goopy Paltrow? Anybody who has ever read GOOP knows that it should be called POOP, because she’s obsessed with caca. When she’s not shitting from her butt, she’s shitting from her mouth. If she was on Pee-wee’s Playhouse and said that she loves poop, he’d tell her that if she loves it so much she should marry it and she would. If only she could get colonics on her mouth too.

And the “king of the world” dude is obviously Leonardo DiCaprio. Maybe he’s so happy in this picture, because he just got all the poop sucked out of him.

Many people think that this celebrity is gay. Let us set you straight on this. He is not gay. He is actually bisexual. Sort of. Yes, it’s complicated.

In public, he only dates beautiful women. Although he is nice to them, spends time with them, and spends money on them, he rarely has sex with them. And then there are only two rules: He can see any man he wants on the side, but she is allowed to date only him. And, after the relationship is over, she had better keep quiet.

He has sex with both men and women, but it’s not frequent or intense or especially satisfying, and it’s never as part of a long-term, committed relationship. The women he dates aren’t even sure of their role. They are not sure if they are his beard, his pal, his prop, or his real girlfriend. His exes all describe him the same way. “He is not totally gay, but we only had sex a couple of times. It’s not even like he is bisexual. It’s more like he is asexual.”

Even more interesting is the way that two past girlfriends described what it was like having sex with him. One said he was “bunny fast.” Another described it as “like being poked with an annoying rubber pencil.”

With ringing endorsements like that, why do women date him or stay with him? He’s good looking. And famous. And very rich. And very connected. Too bad that last trait hasn’t helped too many of them progress further in the industry.

So, in conclusion, he is either gay or straight or bisexual or asexual. The women he dates are either his beards, his pals, his props, or his real girlfriends.That clears things right up, doesn’t it? (Blind Gossip)

George Clooney or Ryan Seacrest? The “bunny fast” and “rubber pencil” comments make me think that it’s Ryan Seacrest, because I wouldn’t be surprise if his peen is an actual rubber pencil. And he has to bone like a bunny on meth, because he has 500 jobs to get back to. 

Which theatrical pop star who has been taking time off to heal from a physical inquiry has also been battling an addiction problem – and checked into a rehab center.

One witness says the person was almost unrecognizable without all the costumes, wigs and makeup. But was serious about getting help.

In the past this person has admitted using drugs and drinking, but didn’t want the fact that they went to get treatment to be announced, so they did it undercover while the public and press were focusing on a different medical issue. (Naughty But Nice Rob)

Lady CaCa?

The bearding just became too much for this celebrity. You would have a tough time guessing her name, but she recently split with her gorgeous B list mostly movie actor “boyfriend,” because he has pretty much given up on even pretending they are in a relationship and she didn’t want to be dating him when he officially comes out. Considering what he has been doing the past two weeks, it should not be long before he does. (CDAN)

Chris Pine recently broke up with a piece whose name I’d never guess, but I never figured that his b-hole twitches for peen and I usually think everybody is gay. 

For the first time that I can remember, this former almost A list mostly television actress who has had some roles in some great movies but is best remembered for a hit show or two she was on, showed up to an event with her girlfriend on her arm. Well, not on her arm, but with her which is a first. She didn’t talk about it and they didn’t kiss, but there was some hand holding and a lot of affection. Good for her. I hope she comes out. (CDAN)

I was going to say Donna Mills, Deidre Hall or Morgan Fairchild, but all of them are forever A-list.

And now for a blind item from The Daily Beast’s article on women pooping at work:

A popular national morning TV show host in her 40s—who, like most others interviewed in this story, asked to remain nameless to avoid embarrassment—said that she walks 10 minutes to another section of her midtown office building to do it, and still then only does it when no one in the hallway sees her en route. (via Gawker)

I really wish this was about Kathie Lee Gifford, but she’s beyond her 40s and she’d shit in a cup in the middle of the street during rush hour, because drunks don’t care. I’ll say it’s Savannah Guthrie. I mean, she has to look at Matt Lauer’s face close-up all morning and that’ll make anyone’s butt explode constantly. 

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