Hot Slut Of The Day!

April 28, 2013 / Posted by:

Chatty Patty, the creepy, serial killer-eyed fake parrot that’s perfect for the passive aggressive asshole or the forever aloner in your life.

On the last episode of The Soup, Joel McHale showed a fucked up, real-life infomercial for a fucked up, real-life product that exists in real life. Chatty Patty is basically a recorder inside of a plastic parrot doll with shifty eyes. Chatty Patty will gladly do all your dirty work for you and honestly, I think that evil ho gets off on it.

If you really don’t want to tell one of your one night stands that you probably gave them the herp, just tell Chatty Patty and she’ll tell them for you. If you’re starting not to believe your 24 cats when they telepathically tell you that you’re the most stunningly gorgeous and fascinating human they’ve ever met,  let Chatty Patty tell you, because she’d never lie to you. This is some terrifying Talking Tina shit.

I’m sure that during a future murder trial, the murderer will take the stand and say, “I didn’t want to murder that hitchhiking grifter and I really didn’t want to chop his body up into a dozen pieces and scatter them all along the highway, but Chatty Patty made me do it!

And yes, soon, us humans will only talk to each other through a cheaply made plastic parrot. I can’t wait!

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