Ashton Kutcher Got In A Fight At The Stagecoach Musical Festival

I know this picture looks like it was taken at a douchebag rodeo, but it was taken at the Stagecoach Musical Festival in Indio, CA yesterday. The Stagecoach Musical Festival is country music’s answer to Coachella and they throw it on the same grounds where Coachella is thrown. So I’m guessing that somewhere on those grounds, Coachella queen Vanessa Hudgens woke up from the molly-coke-peyote-induced coma that she fell into last weekend and wondered why in the hell is everyone wearing cowboy hats with their coochie cutters instead of floral headbands with their coochie cutters?

Anyway, TMZ says that Ashton Kutcher was there yesterday, but he wasn’t there for long, because he left after getting into it with a security guard. Their source says that Kutchie was watching Nick 13 and Dwight Yoakam from the VIP area when he spotted someone he probably knew and went over to greet the chick. For some reason, the security guard didn’t like this move and came at Kutchie and the chick.

The source says that the security guard started shoving Kutchie and the chick, and he shoved the security guard back. They kept shoving each other and Ashton’s friends tried to pull him away. If you’re wondering what that fight looked like, just throw a bunch of used douche bottles into a dryer and turn it on.

After Ashton and the security guard angrily bumped nipples for a bit, he left the festival. TMZ’s source says that the security guard started it and was the one at fault.

Since Ashton is a shameless slut and has stuck his peen in nearly every California trick from Del Norte to El Centro, I’m going to guess that the security guard’s girlfriend was one of his side tricks and that’s why shit got serious. But shoving, Ashton, really? Pfft. Ashton’s ex-father Bruce Willis would’ve had that security guard on the ground in zero point five seconds just by flinching at that ho.

And should I be disgusted with myself for thinking that Kutchie looks hot in a cowboy hat?