Tom Brokaw won’t be getting drunk at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner tomorrow night with the stars of Duck Dynasty, Nicole Kidman, Gerard Butler and Psy, because he’d rather get drunk in a 7-Eleven parking lot with a bunch of high school juniors after prom. Tom tells Politico that the White House Correspondents’ Dinner used to be fun and interesting and over the years it has turned into a steaming trash pile of drunken messiness and fame whores. Tom doesn’t show his face there anymore, but he watches on CSPAN and says that the dinner really jumped ten sharks in a row when Lindsay Lohan was invited by Greta Van Susteren.
“There was more dignity at my daughter’s junior prom than there is what I’m seeing on CSPAN here. Then we got to the point where everybody had to bring in whatever Page 6 celebrity happened to be around. For me the breaking point was Lindsay Lohan. She became the big star at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner. Give me a break.”
Tom Brokaw is probably going to get a call really early in the morning and it’ll be from a drunken, grunting mess who sounds like her throat is lined in sand paper and she’ll slur out a tossed salad of incoherent sentences. It’ll just be White Oprah calling to threaten him with a lawsuit for ruining the pristine image of her daughter. Tom should just hang up and go back to bed, because White Oprah will forget she called him when she wakes up in the afternoon with her head hanging over the toilet.