Goopy Paltrow has been EVERYWHERE lately and all of your surfaces are probably covered with sticky goop and strings of blond hair. You might be suffering from a GOOP overdose. Symptoms include:
– Huffing while throwing your nose up in the air when the stock person at your local grocery stores tell you that they don’t carry duck eggs and Manuka honey.
– Constantly bragging about the wood-burning outdoor pizza oven in your garden (aka a stale DiGiorno on top of an old Weber grill on your back porch).
– Wearing tight jeans to lounge around the house like a damn FREAK!
– Telling people that your special snowflakes eat Oreos when in fact you’d rather let them smoke crack than let them put their lips on that processed trash food!
If you’re suffering from one or more of those symptoms, immediately de-GOOP yourself by having one friends slap you around while another friend pulls the stick out of your ass. Immediately gorge on red meat and canned cheese to stop the swelling of your ego.
But before you do that, you might as well overdose all the way on Goopy by looking at these pictures of her showing off her 22-year-old stripper ass at the Iron Man 3 premiere in Hollywood last night. Everybody including RDJ, his wife, Chris Hemsworth, Tacky Pataky, Tom Hiddleston, Ben Kingsley, his wife, Don Cheadle and Guy Pearce all stopped for a minute on the red carpet to ask, “Why does it smell like a delectable flower salad doused in 100-year aged Balsamic vinegar?” The answer: Goopy just douched.
And I’m pretty sure that RDJ and his wife made a baby on the red carpet.