Laura Jeanne Poon In Cuffs: The Footage

April 23, 2013 / Posted by:

Here’s thrilling footage of Reese “Do You Know My Name?” Witherspoon (prison bitch name: Laura Jeanne Poon) arriving at the police station in cuffs before the officer uncuffs her and leads her inside to get her mug shot taken. I wish there was sound with this video, because I really want to hear her say to the cop, “Really? R-E-E-S-E-W-I-T-H-E-R-S-P-O-O-N? Never heard that name? Legally Blonde? No? Nobody saw that This Means War mess, but maybe Walk The Line? NO? Are you Amish?!

The footage is so damn blurry that it could be Russell Brand with a padded bra on for all we know, but ho doesn’t look that drunk to me. I guess nothing zaps the booze from your system like getting put into handcuffs (and not in a sexy way).

In other Laura Jeanne Poon news, she was supposed to do the talk show rounds this week to promote Mud, but she canceled everything. And Jim Toth is supposedly thinking of checking into rehab since that’s what the husbands of DoYouKnowMyNamers do when they get a DUI. And finally, Chelsea Handler told Entertainment Tonight at the E! Upfronts in NYC last night that Reese’s arrest isn’t that big of a deal:

“She’s doing fine. She’s doing fine, you know? She was just trying to protect her husband, so…I mean everybody makes mistakes, so it’s not a big deal.”

Not a big deal?! If this is a big deal for anyone it’s Chelsea Handler. Chelsea hung out with Reese a couple of days after she was arrested, so you know Chelsea hugged her, patted her on the back and sang “For she’s a jolly good drunk bitch!” to her. Then Chelsea bought everyone in the room shots to celebrate Reese’s first arrest for being a drunken mess. So when Chelsea said that “it’s not a big deal,” she really meant that it was a very proud moment for her.

Here’s the human vodka bottle at the E! Upfronts. If you need a quick mid-day buzz, just rub a little olive juice and on your screen and then lick it up. It’s like drinking a martini! Yes, you’ll probably spit up pieces of burnt leather, but at least you’ll get some kind of buzz from it.

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