When Buzzfeed posted the best (read: the most jacked up) pictures of the Queen of the United States, Beyonce, at the Super Bowl, her publicist kindly told them to please remove the worst ones or Blue Ivy Carter would ask her biological father, God, to strike them down with the fury of a thousand lightning rods. They posted her publicist’s email instead and the whole thing turned into a meme that killed me, buried me and then brought me back to life. Because Beyonce has the humor of wig dandruff and doesn’t have the ability to laugh at her perfect self, she’s making sure that there will never be the second coming of the Ugly Beyonce meme.
Fstoppers (via Jezebel) says that Beyonce has banned all professional photographers from her Mrs. Carter Show world tour. The tour has its own photographer and after every show, Beyonce’s publicist will send 3-5 pre-approved pictures to the media. But the plan is backfiring and magazines and photo agencies are buying low-res, janky pictures from the fans at the show. Fstoppers puts it like this:
Beyoncé’s publicist, the same one who emailed and asked websites to remove images she didn’t like few months back, decided that this time they wouldn’t allow photographers to shoot her shows. Instead, they would provide 3-5 pre-approved images their own photographer shot for the media to use after each show. They wanted to control what images the media had access to. But we all know how media works – they will do anything possible to get images that other publications don’t have. If they can’t send a photographer to give them original photos, the next best thing they can do is buy photos from fans in the front rows in the arena (cameras were not allowed, but no one can take away phones). It’s the next best thing for them, and a huge nightmare for Beyoncé and her publicist.
Either Beyonce’s publicist want to the flood the internet of pictures of her looking like a confused He-Man or they just don’t know what they’re doing. Because whenever you tell a ho not to do something, they’re going to do it hard. It’s like when one my friends posts a picture on Facebook of me looking like I have fifteen chins, Andy Cohen wonk eyes and flared nostrils (aka my end of the night drunk face), and I ask them to take it down, they do the opposite. They post that shit all over my wall, print out a thousand copies of it and paste it on street lights all over my neighborhood. That’s what’s going to happen to Beyonce and I can’t wait, because I love pictures of her looking like a bodybuilding bull dog trying to lay an egg through its butt while smelling some dirty dick. Bring on the fug Beyonce pictures!
And here’s Beyonce at her show in Amsterdam last night. The people taking pictures of her in the front row haven’t been heard from since last night. If you put your ear up to the sky in the dead of night, you can almost hear their cries coming from the basement.