Reese Witherspoon Got Arrested And Pulled Some “Do You Know Who I Am?” Shit (UPDATE: Here’s Her Mug Shot!)
Vanessa Lutz would be proud, because Reese Witherspoon got arrested early Friday morning for being a mouthy mess.
Both TMZ and Variety say that after midnight on Friday morning, police in Atlanta pulled Reese’s husband Jim Toth over, because he wasn’t driving right and they figured his ass was drunk. Police say that Jim’s silver Ford Focus was weaving across a double line on Peachtree Street. The cops say Jim Toth looked a mess and he smelled like a Lohan on any given day. While the cops gave Jim a sobriety test, Reese, who I’m guessing was also drunk as shit, hung out the window and told the officer that she didn’t believe he was a real cop (HAHAHAHA!). The officer wrote in the police report that he told Reese, “to sit on her butt and be quiet.”
Reese didn’t do that. When she got out of the car, the officer told her to get back in the car and she told him that she is a US citizen and has the right to stand on American ground. The cop then decided that he was not only going to arrest Jim Toth, but he was going to put Reese in handcuffs too. Reese put up a little struggle when he grabbed her arm to arrest her. The exchange between drunk ass Reese and the cop is a classic:
As the report details, “Mrs. Witherspoon asked, “Do you know my name?” I answered, “No, I don’t need to know your name.” I then added, “right now.” Mrs. Witherspoon stated, “You’re about to find out who I am.”
The report also specified, “Mrs. Witherspoon also stated, ‘You are going to be on national news.’ I advised Mrs. Witherspoon that was fine.”
Jim blew a .139 on a Breathalyzer test and was arrested for DUI and failure to maintain a lane while driving. Reese was charged with disorderly conduct. They made bond and were released a few hours later. Reese is in Atlanta to shoot the movie The Good Lie.
Here I was thinking that Reese was as bland and boring as lukewarm tap water in a Dixie cup. But nope, it took just one story for me to learn that Reese is an entitled, snooty ass messy mess who’s got her head shoved all the way up her culo. I kind of love it when a crack forms on a wholesome apple pie. The only thing that comes out of a trick using the “Do you know who I am?” line is that they’ll forever be known as the trick who uses the “Do you know who I am?” line.
And I’m going to need Reese to reenact that entire scene with the cop as Vanessa Lutz. And I’m also going to need to see their mug shots, because you know that shit is a wreck.
UPDATE: YAAASS! And now, above is Reese’s mug shot courtesy of Fox5. Even bitch’s eyebrows look drunk. That’s not the best part of the picture, though. The best part is that it’s cut off and it looks like her name is Laura Jeanne Poon. From now on, I don’t know who this Reese Witherspoon is, but I definitely know who Laura Jeanne Poon is.