But What Tan Mom Really Wants To Do Is Porn!

April 20, 2013 / Posted by:

And there’s a headline that’ll make your genitals close up or run up into your body and never come out.

Tan Mom serving up some “burnt, beached manatee” glamour in her topless beach photo shoot was only the beginning and what she really wants to do is spread her deep fried oyster for a peen on camera.  Teen Mom Farrah is trying to get $2 million for the porn she made with James Deen and Tan Mom writes in a letter to Vivid that nobody wants to see some young ho lay down some whack amateur coochie game. What the public really wants to see is Tan Mom’s pork rind poon in action. Tan Mom writes:

“I see you are trying to buy this sex tape from this Teen Mom. Well, if you REALLY want to make more MONIES, then I would agree to let you film me and all my hotness. I am far MORE popular and WAY HOTTER than Farrah! Men want a cougar and a real woman, not a teenybopper. Contact me back if you’re ready to talk serious cash and rock the world.”

Steve Hirsch from Vivid isn’t exactly reaching into his wallet to pull out some MONIES to give to Tan Mom. His response was: “Unfortunately we don’t have a granny porn section on Vivid.com, but we feel your look would be perfect for radio. You could talk about everything you’ve ever done on a tanning bed.”

Steve Hirsch can eat his own ass. Tan Mom doesn’t belong in the granny porn category, she belongs in the leather fetish category. Get it right, Steve. But whatever, Tan Mom will show that beauty-hating Steve. She’ll team up with OctoMom, they’ll do a scissor porn together and make all the MONIES! The officials at Gitmo will buy every copy and use it as no-touch torture.

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