And now the time has come for Hollywood to take whatever is left of our childhoods and finally push it into the meat grinder, because they’re remaking John Hughes’ movies now. Weird Science was one of the first movies that my rich friend made me a copy of on his rich people dual VHS recorder and I wore that bitch out, and now Hollywood is butchering it up by remaking it. I can’t even do the slow wall slide of sadness over this, because it’s not surprising. Every time I hear that Hollywood is remaking a classic from my childhood, I just make the same face I make when a one night trick runs out the door as soon as I take my clothes off. I shrug and say, “Eh, lost another one.”
Deadline says Joel Silver, who produced the original with John Hughes, is producing the remake and has hired the dude who wrote the new 21 Jump Street script to write this shit. Joel’s plan is to make Weird Science raunchier and edgier.
I’m into raunchier and I’m into edgier, but I’m not into them replacing Kelly LeBrock. That shit show on the USA Network was bad enough. I just know they’re going to get Kate Upton or Megan Fox or Rosie Huntington-Whateverly. The only way I’ll be okay with this is if they cast one of the following:
1. Courtney Stodden – She’s a master at accents and she’s made of parts from old PCS and factory-defected animatronic Real Dolls.
2. Shauna Sand – Needs no explanation.
3. Tan Mom – The pictures speak for themselves.
4. Richard Simmons – Because he can deliver the hell out of the line, “You’re out of shape, I’ll kick your arse!“
And they can totally get Donald Trump to play Chet the Shit!