I don’t know if it’s a blessing or a damn curse that I can’t post the eyelash-singeing pictures from Tan Mom’s topless photo shoot on a beach in New Jersey yesterday. TMZ has 100 stunning portraits of New Jersey’s official state flower Tan Mom looking like a delicate and fresh Siren beckoning sailors to her bloated, tattooed loins. You won’t know whether to stare deep into her exquisitely drawn upper chocha tattoo or immediately send those pictures to Sports Illustrated and beg them to put her on the cover of their next Swimsuit Edition. The tag sticking out of her bikini is really what makes the entire photo shoot.
When you open up the pictures and click on the “next” button really fast, Tan Mom will give you the most terrifying flip book show ever. And in almost every picture, she’s saying “just doing this for extra booze money” with her eyes.