Open Post: Hosted By The True Queen Of Coachella

April 14, 2013 / Posted by:

The fake flower aisle at every Michael’s is completely empty this weekend and that could mean only one things: It’s that time for the annual Fake Flower Headbands and Jorts Convention (aka Coochella)!

The largest gathering of jorts, next to a Cyrus family reunion, happened in Indio, CA this weekend and it brought out a million celebwhores since celebwhores can’t resist an occasion to look a mess. Of course, international supermodel Phoebe Price doesn’t fall into the “mess” category, because not only she was the most relevant celebrity there, but she was also the most gorgeous and kept it glamorous in a skirt made of denim spaghetti. If you asked PP which bands she was there to see, she’d probably say “They play music here?!” but that’s not why she was there. PP was there, because Coachella was in need of her legendary seat filling skills. Or should I say, in need of her legendary patch of grass filling skills.

Here’s all the hos that PP put to shame this weekend: Vanessa Hudgens (A BLOOMING MESS!), ASkars, two hitchhiking hobos, Basement Baby, Emma Roberts with Evan Peters, Tater Head, Tallulah Willis, Verdine White Kelly Rowland, Kate Bosworth with Michael Polish, some fourth-rate desert tramp, Connor Cruise and Rita Whora. 

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