Sadly for us, Kim Kartrashian wasn’t in kourt today to answer to her krimes against humanity. Kim was in court for a hearing in her never-ending divorce battle against Encino Man’s slower younger brother Kris Humphries. Kim and Kris were supposed to meet plastic face-to-caveman face today, but he got a severe case of the Lindsay Lohans and didn’t show up.
TMZ says that Kris was stuck in New York for some reason (SPOILER ALERT: He forgot how to operate a door knob and just stayed in his apartment and stared at the door until someone came for him), so he never got on a plane to L.A. The judge wasn’t happy about it and TMZ says he ripped Kris a new asshole (“Been there and Ray J’s boomerang dick is to blame.” – Kim). The judge set a new pre-trial hearing date for April 19th and he might throw a few fines at Kris for being late.
Radar has a totally different story. They say that Kris wasn’t in court today, because his team the Brooklyn Nets are playing the Indiana Pacers in Indianapolis and he was already excused. Radar also says that the trial will begin on May 6th and the court hasn’t decided if cameras are allowed or not.
I hope there’s going to be a sea of cameras in the court room. I really need to see smoke rise from Kris Humphries’ head when he’s asked a question that has more than three words in it. And I really need to see a crack form in Kim’s concrete forehead when she spits out a lie after she’s asked if she faked her marriage for publicity.
And somewhere there’s a sad, tacky, new money toddler who has to get a new first communion outfit, because this is what she was planning to wear. Kim Kartrashian really does ruin everything.