Aaaaaaand We’ve All Got Gonorrhea Of The Eyes Now

This is why you should always dip your contacts (which are basically condoms for your eyes) in liquid antibiotics and put that shit on your eyeballs before you turn on the internet.

Everybody at last night’s Scary Movie 5 premiere in Hollywood now know what scientists see when they look at pus from a popped syphilis pimple under a microscope. Charlie Sheen kept the free clinic in business by planting his lips on Lindsay Lohan’s face as they posed on the red carpet. Shortly after that picture was taken, the left side of bitch’s face started to droop, because it saw what was happening to the right side and it was trying to slip out of there before it was too late. But besides LiLo’s half-melted face, she actually looks kind of good for LiLo. Charlie Sheen on the other hand looks like burnt egg whites in a beaver wig.

And of course, LiLo was late and showed up 30 minutes before the red carpet ended. LiLo’s excuse was that she was at the dentist, which is a totally valid excuse. LiLo figures that since she’s going to Coachella this weekend, she’s probably going to booze her veneers off, so she got a new set made and they’ll be ready on Monday. LiLo is always thinking ahead.