Tom Cruise’s Precious Ass Cheeks Must Stay Warm At All Times

April 5, 2013 / Posted by:

Thanks to Helen for sending in this picture of the delicate and fragile Scientology blossom Tommy Girl keeping his thetans warm and toasty at the premiere of Oblivion in Dublin on Wednesday.

While the nipples of Tommy’s fans turned into chest icicles from standing in the cold, he kept warm by making one of his mortal slaves follow him around with a portable heater. That dude’s “I thought that when I slipped this important badge around my neck I would be doing important work” face says it all. But you know, dude is doing the most important job. If Tommy freezes his ass off, then he won’t be be the bossy bottom star of every Scientology bathhouse orgy and that’ll make him sad. Or maybe that’s not a portable heater after all. Maybe it’s some sort of Scientology machine that blocks the glibness in the air from touching his body. That’s probably it.

Here’s more of Tommy at the Dublin premiere of Oblivion and also some pictures of him with his co-star Olga Kurylenko at the London premiere. This might be the exact moment when Olga realized that Tommy is batshit insane (she’s a little tardy to the party) or maybe she spotted this beautiful lip-liner worshiper behind him.

Our commenting rules are pretty simple: If you make any overly offensive comment (racist, bigoted, etc..) or go way off topic when not in an Open Post, your comments will be deleted and you will be banned. If you see an offensive or spammy comment you think should be deleted, flag it for the mods and they'll be forever grateful and give you their first born (although, you probably don't want that).

alt="drupal analytics" >