Well, At Least Ho Let Her Bump Breathe

April 4, 2013 / Posted by:

Looking like the Ghost of Fame Whores Present, Kim Kartrashian walked into a frozen yogurt place in Sherman Oaks, CA yesterday and that tension you feel is from her bra using its last strength to hold up her two ton titty balls. Maybe it’s because I’m so used to seeing Kim looking like a pork sausage busting out of its leather casing, but titty trauma and face aside, this isn’t completely hurting my eyeballs. I mean, the good news is that she isn’t suffocating her bump with ten layers of Spanx and a leather skirt that’s tighter than Kanye’s b-hole after he got anal rejuvenation surgery the first time. If Kim continues to let her bump breathe, then maybe her publicity stunt baby won’t be born all elongated and with its eyes smushed shut, which I guess is a bad thing since then it’ll be able to clearly see who its parents are.

And replacing Botox with an all-natural replacement (aka Kanye’s ass syrup) is making Kim’s face morph back into its original state. She looks like a Saw puppet version of OctoMom.

In other Kartrashian news, TMZ says that Kim won’t be in court on the first day of her divorce war against Kris Humphries, because she has to whore out her new bottle of stank water in NYC. Kim’s lawyer tried to get the date moved from May 6th to May 3rd, but the judge denied her. Kim doesn’t have to be in court on the first day anyway. Kim is expected to testify on the second or third day of the trial, so that gives Pimp Mama Kris plenty of time to program a pre-written script of lies into her hard drive.

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