In my post about the death of Roger Ebert today, my stupid brain forget to mention one of the greatest achievements of his career: Beyond the Valley of the Dolls! Roger Ebert took a break from reviewing movies for The Chicago Sun-Times to write the X-rated soft-core porn cult classic. The first time I saw it, I was 16ish and my friends and I got drunk on Strawberry Hill, and while they were barfing in bathrooms around the house, I glued my eyes to the screen. I needed to barf too, but I held it down, because I was hypnotized by it. There’s something about being 16 and drunk and watching two hos from the 1970s hump on a round bed. At the Oscars next year, they should give Roger Ebert a posthumous Oscar for co-writing this beautiful mess. I can’t believe I forgot about it.
Tonight, I should drink the black sperm of somebody’s vengeance as punishment for forgetting it. Well, I was going to drink some anyway, but tonight I’ll do it for Roger Ebert.