The Carrie Trailer Is Here

April 4, 2013 / Posted by:

If you don’t want to spend an hour plus of your life watching the Carrie remake when it comes out on October, just watch the trailer, because it’s the Cliffs Notes version on speed. It tells the entire plot of the story from beginning to end. Every single living breathing creature on this planet knows what happens to Carrie, but still. Just like me after a few drinks, this trailer gives everything away fast.  That’s not even my biggest problem with this shit. My biggest problem is that Chloe Moretz and Julianne Moore are way too pretty and sane-looking for this. They both look like they just rolled out of a Marc Jacobs ad.

In what world would Chloe Moretz be bullied and beaten with tampons? If she went to my school, she’d be the one throwing tampons at a ho and she’d legitimately be prom queen. Was a Willis daughter not available to play Carrie’s crazy, homely ass? Was OctoMom not available to play Carrie’s mom? This needs more ugly and needs more crazy. I hope there’s a CGI effect for that.

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