Underage girls in New Jersey who want to look like a deep fried piece of turkey jerky in sequins at their prom all cried tears of sadness on April Fools’ Day when Governor Chris Christie signed off on the new “Tan Mom Law” which bans under-17ers from using commercial tanning beds. The legislation became a thing after Tan Mom got in trouble for allegedly taking her 5-year-old daughter into a tanning booth with her. Tan Mom denied it and a grand jury chose not to go after her ass.
The new law states that anybody under the age of 17 who wants a tanning bed glow has to have a parent or legal guardian present. The legal guardian and the kid also have to sit through a consultation together. Also, kids under the age of 14 can’t get a spray tan. TMZ talked to the former face of tanning, Tan Mom, on the streets of New Jersey yesterday and asked her what she thinks about the new law. If Tan Mom could liquefy that law and mix it with orange paint before smearing it all over her face, she would. Tan Mom loves the law, because she thinks that kids shouldn’t use tanning beds. Tan Mom also made tanning bed executives put their head through a noose by saying she doesn’t tan anymore.
I’m great with it. I believe that it should be something that’s spoken about and now it’s being rectified after I went through a year of mockery of something I never would do and I did not do it. I won, cause I would not give in. That’s the bottom line on that issue. Yes, [I am the reason the law passed.] No, [I don’t tan anymore].
And with that, tanning beds are officially over. RIP TANNING BEDS! If the empress of tanning beds is turning her orange back on tanning beds, everyone is going to turn their back on tanning beds. Besides, Tan Mom is proving that you don’t need to lie in a tanning bed to looks like a beautiful orange butterfly weed. All you need is foundation made by Tang and a tube of lipstick (in shade: corpse labia).