I don’t even know why I asked that question, because nobody’s going to get it. Most of you probably had his name dumped from the memory box in your brain centuries ago. The answer is: Ryan Cabrera. The Ryan Cabrera who made songs in the early 2000s, dated Asslee Simpson for a minute and has always had hair like a deep fried porcupine. That Ryan Cabrera.
Yesterday in Crumbs, I linked to a post at ICYDK about Ryan and his electrocuted Gene Simmons hair, but they didn’t have pictures of his fugged up Ryan Gosling leg tattoo. Ryan Cabrera showed off his shitastic tattoo at the Hyde Bellagio in Las Vegas last week and talked about it during Lance Bass’ show on SiriusXM. Ryan says that he and one of his friends go into a tattoo place together and pick out a tattoo for each other without the other one knowing what it is. They don’t see their new tattoo until it’s done. Ryan has a unicorn tattoo and a Care Bear tattoo from playing that dumb ass game. Ryan explained it like this (via OMG Yahoo via ONTD):
“Me and my buddy we go in [the tattoo parlor] and he chooses one thing off the wall for me, then I choose one thing for him. You can’t see it until after it’s done and then we unveil them at the same time. The only rules are that it can’t be religious and it can’t offend anybody.”
Um. Earth to Ryan Cabrera, that Ryan Gosling tattoo is offensive on every level and it’s especially offensive to Ryan Gosling. Because that doesn’t look like Ryan Gosling. It looks like a hungover, bloated, cross-eyed Lee Pace right before he’s about to barf. Well, the good news is that if you’re ever going to bone Ryan Cabrera, you have something interesting to stare at when you’re doing the reverse cowgirl position.