The End Of A Chav Era

March 31, 2013 / Posted by:

Back when Posh Beckham was the empress of the chavs with a complexion like a basketball and tits that looked like they were filled with more plastic than the ball pit at Chuck E. Cheese, she and David Beckham bought a 1930s estate outside of London and called it Beckingham Palace. They’ve had their fill of English country life and want to live in London now. They bought it in 1999 for £2.5 million and they put in a snooker room (Side note: No, a snooker room isn’t an altar room dedicated to Snooki and it’s not a room where you plan your schemes, it’s a billiard room) and a recording studio. It was the headquarters of chavism and now Posh and Becks are selling it. Pour out a bottle of self-tanner on a bedazzled pink Razr phone, because it really is the end of an era.

The Daily Mail says that Posh and Becks are privately selling it for £10 million. The DM’s source says that not just any bitch can buy Beckingham Palace. Posh and Becks will only sell it to a family, because they don’t want an investor turning their precious mansion into a condo building. The source said this:

“They know there aren’t lots of individuals looking for houses of this size, and developers would jump at the chance to turn it into smaller flats, which would have added value because of the Beckham connection. But both David and Victoria spent years improving Rowneybury (aka Beckingham palace) and they’re prepared to wait for the right buyer who will continue their work, rather than someone looking to cash in on their name.”

So if you have £10 million and really want to keep your batteries in the same freezer where Posh kept her soul frozen while she slept and you really want to cook bacon on the same cooktop where Posh didn’t cook anything on, this is the country estate for you! Posh doesn’t shit or piss since she gets rid of all the waste in her body by having it lipoed out while she sleeps in a steel coffin, so most of the toilets are barely used. That’s a selling point! But you know what would really be a selling point? If that huge ass house came with Becks and a pair of chonies. The chonies aren’t for him to wear. The chonies are for you to stuff into his mouth, because his voice ruins everything.

And here’s Becks handling balls in Paris today.

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