Anthony Ciccone is back and he’s once again crying to the media about how his younger sister Madonna would rather gargle her coochie out with dirty hydrangea water than spend one second with him. Anthony is pretty much estranged from the entire Ciccone family and he says that they’ve all turned their backs on him when he needed them most. Anthony has been living on the streets of Traverse City, Michigan for three years and he spends his day guzzling from a bottle of booze wrapped in a paper bag. Anthony did have a job at the Ciccone family vineyard, but he was fired for drinking the sweet nectar straight out of the vat and now he gets money by begging on the streets (and spilling the shit about his sister to tabloids).
The Daily Mail caught up with Anthony Ciccone and they found out that his ass spent a month in jail after he was arrested for drunkenly yelling at kids in a church (that’s my future). Anthony couldn’t pay the fine, so they locked him up. Anthony tells the DM that even though his dad sometimes brings him leftovers, he thinks his father would be happy if he froze to death on the streets and he also said that his trillionaire sister can’t be bothered with him.
“Madonna doesn’t give a shit if I’m dead or alive. She lives in her own world. I never loved her in the first place, she never loved me. We never loved each other. My father would be very happy if I died of hypothermia and then he would not have to worry about it anymore. He’s old school, he grew up in the depression. He doesn’t want to be bothered, he’s lived his life you see. He doesn’t like me. He doesn’t want me to be me, he wants me to be somebody else. He thinks the way I live is intentional. He simply doesn’t know me.”
Anthony blamed the state of his life on his family. Anthony says that they aren’t helping him and all he wants is a job. Apparently, Madge has paid for him to go to rehab several times. When the DM asked if he thinks he needs rehab, he farted out a Lohan-approved line:
“I’m a human being, you can call me what you want. [Alcoholic] is a label, I don’t like it. I don’t need brain surgery, I merely need love and care of family and friends.”
A worker at the Ciccone family vineyard told the DM that the family is afraid Anthony will really drink himself to death if they give him his job back. They’ll only take him back if he quits the bottle for good. And Anthony ended the interview by saying that he doesn’t think Madge owes him anything:
“Evidently various people have been pestering [Madonna] about matters of neglect regarding family and such. I think she’s probably a little bit pissed off with me for even troubling her. But I’ve never asked my sister for anything. She don’t owe me nothing. That’s her shit, man, she made her money, she worked for it, I’ve got no beef. If she wants to live that way, that’s her thing.”
And that ends our yearly visit with Anthony Ciccone. Till next year. You know, if Anthony Ciccone really wants to make some money, he should write a tell-all where he can spill all of Madge’s childhood secrets and talk about what a bitch-hearted bitch-faced bitch she is. That shameless whore Christopher Ciccone knows what I’m talking about.