Justin Bieber’s Monkey Gets Quarantined In Germany

March 30, 2013 / Posted by:

The spanking monkey jokes write themselves….

Because Justin Bieber’s diapers are filled with delusions, he thinks he’s the second coming of Michael Jackson, so of course he has his own pet monkey. Bubbles is not impressed. The Biebs flew into Munich on Thursday with his pet capuchin monkey (a gift from some producer) and while going through customs, officials told the come-to-life Kid Sister doll that he didn’t have the right paperwork and they’d have to quarantine his monkey. A customs spokeswhore told the NYDN that the monkey is currently in quarantine jail. The Biebs will have to pay whatever it costs to take care of his monkey and he’ll probably be hit with a £10,000 fine.

Unlike the Biebs, that monkey is probably potty-trained, knows better than to spit in a trick’s face, doesn’t crash a $200,000 sports car every other week and wears pants that fit, and it’s the one who gets put into quarantine?! Everything is wrong with that. If this world was a right place, Justin would be the one in quarantine jail and that monkey would be the one screeching and thrusting its crotch for thousands of fans. Germany’s got the wrong monkey.

And seriously, we all know what happened to Justin Bieber’s hamster (No, it didn’t get lost up in his insides after he Richard Gere’d it. It died.), so that monkey is in a better place.

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