Hot Slut Of The Day!

Colgate Junior’s Sparkling Star Shape toothpaste!

In the late 80s, Colgate Junior’s Sparkling Stare Shape toothpaste was the triple threat of children’s toothpastes. It sparkled, it was delicious and it was star-shaped. (Somewhere Richard Simmons is pfft-ing at this, because his peen slit is star-shaped and it squirts out sparkle candy gel all the time!) Well, it was supposed to squirt out a star-shaped log of sparkly toothpaste, but it looked more like a sad, battered down, twisted jelly worm that lost every fight it was in. But it was still magic for my teeth.

My mom only bought it for us once or twice, because I kept eating it. I’d brush my teeth at least 5 times a day and swallow all the toothpaste. It was delicious and tasted like sugar-coated star saliva. So many questions about the choices I’ve made in life would be answered if the Surgeon General released a statement saying that ingesting Colgate Junior’s Sparkling Star Shape toothpaste from the 80s caused severe brain damage.

The commercial for Colgate Junior was also a work of magic:

Su-su-superstar! I wish this shit still existed today, because it would make the best cocktail mixer.

via Dinosaur Dracula