NBC Wants To Replace Matt Lauer With Anderson Cooper On Today

March 27, 2013 / Posted by:

Matt Lauer’s Today show contract with NBC doesn’t end until 2014, but the head bitches at the network want him to pack up all his shit and get out as soon as possible since everybody wants to repeatedly punch their TV when his face comes on the screen. NBC has apparently talked to Matt Lauer about leaving the show early and they’ve had talks with possible replacements including The Silver Fox (seen above as The Light Brown Slightly New Wave-ish Fox).

Deadline said last night that NBC had a meeting with Anderson Cooper about getting up at the walk of shame hour (aka like 3am) to co-host Today and he was into it. NBC wants The Silver Fox to replace Matt Lauer by the end of the year. When the executives at NBC asked Matt what he thought about the Silver Fox replacing him, he pretty much took three shits on that idea and then he personally called Anderson Cooper and took another three shits on that idea. Deadline’s source said that Anderson was sort of shocked by Matt whining about how he doesn’t want him to take the job, because he thought Matt was in on the replacement discussions from the start. But….

TMZ is hearing some different crap. They’re hearing that Matt never called Anderson and that Matt is actually into the idea of Anderson replacing his smug ass. Matt even wants to talk to Anderson face-to-face about the job.

The good news is that I lost about 0.0004 pounds from all the eye rolling calisthenics I did while reading that story at TMZ. I totally believe that Matt farted all over The Silver Fox’s parade and I totally believe that Matt Liar called TMZ and told them he didn’t.

Nobody wants Matt Lauer, but apparently everybody wants Anderson Cooper. Not only is NBC trying to get a piece of his ass, but he also shot a pilot with Kathy Griffin for CNN.

I am totally into Anderson Cooper replacing Matt Lauer and I am totally into his CNN show with Kathy Griffin, but only if they replace Decatur Guthrie (or whatever her name is) with Grumpy Cat and replace Kathy Griffin with….Grumpy Cat. What I’m saying is that The Silver Fox and Grumpy Cat should be cloned so they can host everything together.

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