Kim Kartrashian Wants Everyone To Know That She’s Only Gained 20 Pounds While Knocked Up

March 27, 2013 / Posted by:

Lucifer’s favorite carrier pigeon Kim Kardashian is still doing the talk show rounds to promote the Kimye fetus (and to also sometimes promote that Tyler Perry movie she’s in) and while on Kelly & Michael yesterday morning, she once again opened her mouth to talk about how many pounds she’s put on her knocked up body. Kim already said that she weighs 140 pounds and yesterday she told Michael Strahan and Kelly’s sub Kristen Chenoweth that she’s gained around 20 pounds of chunk since a fetus checked into her uterus. And I’m sure your brain will gain 20 pounds of useless information while reading what came out of Kim’s mouth. via Hollywood Life:

“I’ve gained 20 pounds, at this stage Kourtney had already gained like 30. I probably will gain all that weight, they say you gain that at the end,” she added. “I probably will gain that 65, just give me a couple more months. I want to have those cravings that everyone is saying, like cheeseburgers, I really haven’t had that. I just want to go home and sit in bed and pig out, and I really only crave healthy food.”

We get it Kim. You weigh less than Jon Hamm’s fat dick and you pour fat-free ranch dressing instead of cheeseburger sauce on Kanye’s b-hole before you start munching. Everyone gets it. Slow clap for you. Not really, but you know who we should really be slow clapping for? Kim’s stylist for putting together another beautiful masterpiece. Here’s Kim walking around NYC yesterday while wearing a dress by Hillshire Farms. That dress looks like a Fruit Roll-up made of baby diarrhea. I guess Kim figures that she’s going to be covered in baby shit in a few months*, so she might as well get a hard start.

* It was a joke. Kim will never be covered with baby diarrhea, because she’s going to pass that kid off to her nanny before the surgeons finishes stitching up her post-C-section tummy tuck. 

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