The Douchebag Doesn’t Fall Far From The Douche Tree

You know how sometimes a kid will grow up to be the opposite of their parent or parents? Like if a girl’s mom is a deranged, crack-brained mess of stained antique lace and delusions, she’ll decide that she wants to be nothing like that and will grow up to be a sane and reasonable human being whose brain isn’t powered by Adderall powder (shout out to Courtney Love and FB!). Or if a dude’s mom is a healthy, smart and responsible individual, he’ll go the opposite way and grow up to be a disgusting dumb slut whose brain is powered by Taco Bell meat (shout out to my mom and me!). Well, that’s not what Hopper Penn’s doing. Hopper Penn is following right behind his douchebag dad.

TMZ has a video of Sean Penn and his 19-year-old son Hopper going into a building in Beverly Hills yesterday afternoon. Sean pretty much keeps his charbroiled ALF face down and ignores the paparazzo as he walks into the building. The paparazzo turns around and starts taking pictures of Hopper for some reason and the spawn of Sean Penn responded by ramming the pap. The pap being the pap started screaming shit like, “Don’t ever do that! Don’t to that to yourself! You’re a kid!” Etc….etc… Hopper Penn being Sean Penn’s kid yelled back at the pap and called the pap, who is African American, a “faggot” and a “nigger.”

The cops showed up, but nothing happened, because the pap didn’t want to press charges. Sean Penn’s damage control publicist crawled into Hopper Penn’s body and spit out this canned apology:

“I was accosted by paparazzi and made to feel like an animal – threatened and under attack, but that does not condone my own actions. I deeply regret my choice of words.”

Well, at least Sean and Hopper both have videos to share during father/son bonding night.

I was going to blame this on the fact that Sean and Robin Wright gave their kid a first name that should only be given to a cartoon character in the Winnie the Pooh world, but I’m just going to blame this on the fact that dude’s father is Sean Penn. Dude was screwed as soon as he swam out of Sean’s peen slit.