FYI: Kim Kardashian Does Not Weigh 200 Pounds

March 25, 2013 / Posted by:

On this week’s priceless cover of InTouch Weekly, they have a herp derp picture of Kim Kartrashian next to the headline “I CAN’T STOP EATING,” and this week’s National Enquirer also says that she’s gained 65 pounds from Jessica Simpsoning her way through her pregnancy. But Kim says that those stories are about as true as her last marriage. While promoting that Tyler Perry movie she’s in, Pimp Mama Kris’ number one ho told OMG Insider (via ONTD) that the number 200 doesn’t look back at her when she steps on the scale and she hasn’t turned her mouth into a food court trash can by filling it with tons of delicious junk. Kim also said that she’s not suffocating the Kimye fetus by shoving her body into a four-sizes-too-small leather skirt.

“It says that I’m like 200 pounds on there. That’s like, definitely a good 60 pounds off. It’s ridiculous. Obviously you don’t want to be called fat, but I’m pregnant. I would hope to gain some weight.

What’s so funny is I love junk food and I love fast food, I love sweets, ice cream. I haven’t been able to eat any of that since I’ve been pregnant. I am so sad that I’m not craving like In-N-Out and Taco Bell. None of it. That’s what I was craving before. I’m craving like carrots and celery with ranch. 

I wore this like leather skirt and by the way it’s a maternity skirt that I had made. Like everything is bigger. And they’re like, ‘Oh you can’t wear anything tight. That is ridiculous.’ They have pregnancy Spanx that are tighter than the skirt I’m wearing. I want to feel good about myself and still feel fashionable. That’s who I am. Happy mommy, happy baby.”

Since Kim K’s mouth is a ticker tape machine of lies, just reverse everything she said there and that’s the truth. So Kim weighs more than 200 pounds, eats a Double Double animal-style off of Kanye’s pussy hole three times a day and that leather skirt was so tight her baby had to stick its head out of her cooch to get some air.

And here’s Kim not looking good and not looking fashionable at LAX last night.

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