Typing the words “Christina Aguilera actually looks kind of natural in the face” feels unnatural, wrong and it goes against all the laws of clown glamour, but it’s what I have to type, because she kind of does. It only took five chisels, a sandblaster and a few dozen passes through the $5 car wash at the Shell gas station, but they managed to scrape all thirty five layers of dried Bronzer off of Xtina’s skin for last night’s screening of The Voice 4 in Los Angeles.
Xtina kept her mug on the natural side and pruned her brows so they don’t look like they belong on a box of Count Chocucla, and I know I’m supposed to say she looks better like this, but I can’t. Xtina is just isn’t the same when she doesn’t look like a Hatchet Face impersonator/clown hooker who just worked five shifts in a row. Although, at least her weave still looks like it was put together using ten different kinds of man-made materials.
Here’s some other hos at last night’s screening party. In order: Xtina, Blake Shelton with Miranda Lambert, Justin Bieber’s biological mother, Delta Goodrimgjob, Seal and Benji Madden.