InTouch can take three bows and get off the damn stage now, because they have outdone themselves with that headline paired with that picture of Kim Kartrashian looking like she’s storing food in her lips. I just really can’t…
Some source tells InTouch that Kim hired a chef to make her healthy foods, but she keeps pushing those plates of healthy foods to the side and is instead wrapping her inner tube lips around a bowl full of my daily eating items: ice cream, fries and sugary cereal. A different source tells The National Enquirer (via Radar) that eating ten dump trucks full of carbs has put 65 pounds on Kim’s body. Kanye is spending more time away from her and she thinks it’s because her ass now looks like a pile of melting bean bags as seen through the eyes of a ho hallucinating on LSD. The source said this:
“Kim and Kanye’s relationship used to be all about soft music, candlelight dinners and romantic nights together. But now that Kim has put on such a large amount of weight, Kanye seems to be busier with his music schedule than ever, and Kim doesn’t think it’s a coincidence. She’s concerned about Kanye cheating, and his disinterested and distracted attitude isn’t helping.”
Nothing hurts the edges of my soul like defending a Kartrashian, but 65 pounds? Maybe they’re including her lips too, because those things are at least 20 pounds each. And I don’t think Kanye will cheat, because I don’t think he has sex with other humans. When he wants to get off, he plays one of his songs and he jacks off onto an auto-tune machine while a robot hand fingers his b-hole.
Here’s Kim going to dinner with La La Anthony in L.A. last night.