What A Waste Of Gold Glitter (UPDATE: LiLo Strikes Deal, Isn't Going To Jail)
Lindsay Lohan finally decided to show up to court in L.A. this morning and she was only 50 minutes late. LiLo probably stopped for Blood Marys, did a pre-hearing bump in a gas station bathroom and changed into linnocent white (complete with a holy cross) before going to court, so 50 minutes isn't that late. When LiLo jumped out of her SUV and took the walk of shame into the court room, she got glitter-bombed the same way she got glitter-bombed in 2010. I used to think that everything is prettier when you throw a little glitter on it, but I was wrong. All that glitters is not gold. That tsunami of glitter should've been directed at her lawyer, the Larry H. Parker of gnomes, because he and his extra fancy Louis Vuitton briefcase deserves to be drenched in a sparkle storm, not her. If it only it was a swarm of bees!
If you're watching TMZ's live feed of Lindsay Lohan's latest date with the California Justice System, then you probably have the California seal embedded into your retinas, because her trial hasn't started. They're running over 2 hours late and apparently LiLo has been in the bathroom while six Sheriffs wait outside for her. How rude of those Sheriffs. Can't they give a bitch some privacy while she's trying to shit out the 4 balloons of coke she swallowed before going through airport security? No respect!
LiLo's court date is supposed to start any minute now, so you can watch the live feed if you want to see her finger bang the justice system in the butt without lube again. If the trial doesn't start, you can just look at the seal for another two hours and honestly, staring at that seal is probably better than staring at LiLo's stale empanada lips.
UPDATE: Throw out the popcorn, because there's not going to be a Crackie vs. The People trial after all. After turning down plea deal after plea deal for weeks, LiLo struck a deal with prosecutors today. LiLo pleaded no contest to reckless driving and lying to the cops about being the one who crashed her Porsche into a semi. The reckless driving charge brings an automatic 5 days in jail, but the prosecutors agreed to roll that into her time in rehab. LiLo agreed to 90 days in lockdown rehab, 30 days of community labor in New York and 18 months of psychotherapy. LiLo's on probation for stealing that jooree and she admitted to violating her probation. The judge sentenced her to 180 days in jail for that, but she won't have to serve that sentence if she obeys all the laws (HAHAHAHA!). The judge also told her to stop driving.
And that's that. I'm sure we'll be doing all of this again in a couple of weeks when LiLo breaks out of rehab, steals a car, robs a liquor store and then drunkenly crashes into a preschool.
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She should have been arrested for that outfit alone!
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Submitted by Migraineuse on Mon, 03/18/2013 - 4:37pm.
MK, thank you for using the correct past tense of plead.
You're right, but everyone in the court system uses "pled." I think it's on the model of lead/led, etc.
90 days in rehab will be worse than jail for Lindsay in my opinion. She cannot leave treatment early; if she went to jail wouldn't there be a chance of her getting released early due to the usual overcrowding? She's in for a rough ride! P.S. She's looking pretty haggard in some of the courtroom pics...
Puh-leeze. She could have whipped out a blade and shanked her new hot piece lawyer in the gonads and she'd still get probation.
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I saw some pics of her in the court room without the dark glasses. SO raddled, SO rough, SO hungover. I think she looked about the worst I've ever seen her.
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Submitted by Zonko on Mon, 03/18/2013 - 2:35pm.
I live in Los Angeles, and last month a guy broke into my car in the middle of the night. There was nothing to take but a pair of .99 Store reading glasses. He took them, ran, and the cops caught him (my neighbor called the cops).
I went to the L.A. Criminal Courthouse to testify, he plead guilty to 2 counts, and they took him straight to jail to serve 2 years (which the D.A. explained will really only be 2 months).
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In Irving (outside of Dallas), the PD refuses to investigate vehicle break-ins and vehicle thefts, claiming they're too busy. You're forced to do a police report over the phone. It's such bullshit.
I feel like the only thing that can take Blo down is the enigma cacti.
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"Discussions about what is good, beautiful, noble, pure, true, could always go on. Why is that important? Because that is the only conversation worth having." C.Hitchens,1949-2011. *caprica six was/is here*
but WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE WEARING.
...
but, then again, what do i know?
She ended up doing probably what Shawn Holley counseled her to do in the first place. She replaced a competent, effective attorney with the Travelocity gnome. Good move, Lindsay.
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OKAY, WOW, YA'LL JUST WOW. I COME IN AND HERE TO THESE LOWER CHATS AND JEALOUS MOMS MAKING WITCH EYES AND BRITTNEY DID SMELL KEVIN'S BALLS AND MAKE THE TOILET FLASH~the inimitable Hoffalina. We'll miss you Girl. ♥
MK, thank you for using the correct past tense of plead.
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Submitted by Darknight on Fri, 11/09/2012 - 4:27pm.
THE TRUTH. Making the world a better place.
OK, "no contest" is just "guilty" with benefits.
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Mon, 03/18/2013 - 3:33pm.
It does not matter HOW MANY PROBATIONS she gets and violates. They keep giving her MORE. WHY?!!! I swear, when this bitch finally kills someone, I hope the Victim's family sues the City of Los Angeles for allowing this fucking PIECE OF SHIT to be out on the street over and over.
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DAMN STRAIGHT! So sick of this trashbag getting away with everything.
I am convinced this biatch is a sociopath.
Nothing good will ever come from her. She is either going to overdose, die in some accident, or kill someone else. I just hope that this scourge will not last much longer.
Lockdown rehab...is that like "THE CLINIC"??? *thunderbolts and lightning*
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If anyone is going to pee on him it's going to be me.- Nicole Kidman
She should have taken the fifth...of vodka that is.
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If anyone is going to pee on him it's going to be me.- Nicole Kidman
What is this rehab going to be like?
Can anyone describe the conditions, daily activities and what the patients will be like? It's not going to be some upscale "Promises" of Malibu, is it?
Shock. I have none.
Kumbaya, bitch.
Submitted by Zonko on Mon, 03/18/2013 - 2:35pm.
I live in Los Angeles, and last month a guy broke into my car in the middle of the night.
It's a felony and he had priors...
Lockdown rehab? I'll believe it when it actually happens. Also, are they kicking her freckled self back to New York? Who's paying for this all??
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"In other news, the University of Color Me Surprised released a report today which states that water is indeed wet. Mind. Boggled" - Michael K, who else?
Hopefully she runs up against some psycho thug in rehab and gets those extentions ripped out.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
You know that saying "ass so fat you can see from the front"? Well you can see her Matt Groening drawn on lips from the back in thumb 6.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
I kinda like this, considering what she was charged with. She has to pay for the rehab, and that's not cheap. She's also bound to meet other abusers in rehab who will meet her in the stairwell for a bump, rub, and tug. She'll get caught, as always... It's the circle of lowlife.
Mike!!
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
So I guess the judge moved that cone.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Mon, 03/18/2013 - 3:14pm.
180 days of psychotherapy for her is like trying to empty the Pacific Ocean with a teaspoon.
lol!
TV!!!
Didn't she basically just get more probation all of those times she had to go to court for all of the other probation violations? And she got out of public service because people looked at her wrong and it was Too Stwessfuww? Lol this smelly biohazard orange cunt is Drew Peterson-level Untouchable!
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THE FULL RELEASE LOOP
What the underlying loop inside all of this really is
1974 someone used satellite time and brain cephalics (same thing), to view me, in 19764
The sound of the BR
It does not matter HOW MANY PROBATIONS she gets and violates. They keep giving her MORE. WHY?!!! I swear, when this bitch finally kills someone, I hope the Victim's family sues the City of Los Angeles for allowing this fucking PIECE OF SHIT to be out on the street over and over.
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How am I going to keep myself away from me?
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Mon, 03/18/2013 - 3:14pm.
180 days of psychotherapy for her is like trying to empty the Pacific Ocean with a teaspoon.
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Impossible.
This shit pisses me off! What the fuck!! This bitch could murder someone and still not go to jail!!
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I'm not a slut, I'm sexually liberated. There's a difference.
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That's not glitter, a Leprechaun farted in her general direction.
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
she looked totally hung over or still drunk
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"OBAMA PLEASE HELP ME I DON'T HAVE A JOB"
"NO SORRY BUT HERE'S SOME WEED AND A VOUCHER TO GET MARRIED TO YOUR UNCLE" THANKS OBAMA
Sucky 12/19
Lohan looked awful in court. At one point she turned her head and the back of her hair looked like it had been gnawed off by a rat.
Submitted by M.E. on Mon, 03/18/2013 - 3:14pm.
Doll-Parts: the judge merely suggested that she shouldn't drive. It's not a term of her probation, but he was being blunt.
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Yeah, they've been blunt for the last 6 years. It doesn't seem to work.
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
of course she is not going to jail. Bitch could excrete alcohol from every orifice and drive drunk and run as many people over as she well damn pleases, and she won't go to jail. Jail is only for poor people, minorities and pot smokers.
Justice blind, my ass.
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"Charlie you fucking bitch, let's work it out" - High Fidelity
180 days of psychotherapy for her is like trying to empty the Pacific Ocean with a teaspoon.
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
Doll-Parts: the judge merely suggested that she shouldn't drive. It's not a term of her probation, but he was being blunt.
The judge told her not to drive? TOLD her? Did the judge actually revoke or suspend her license? Or was not driving just a helpful suggestion?
And violating probation gets you more probation? Girrrrrlfrieeeeend, please. I'm gonna go paint "fuk u" on all my fingernails.
I also love the top half of this outfit. But of course the styling is a hot mess, and I imagine it reeks!
Are those French manicures on the Sheriffs mandated by the state of CA?
*"I got 99 problems, being a bitch ain't one!"*
-Courtney Love @ Sundance 2013
A guy I know, who happens to be a total pig, was drinking and driving and ran over a woman...she broke her leg and wasn't killed.
He didn't get anything.....they did a breathalyzer and confirmed he was over the legal limit. He got some community service. The system is bullshit.
such bullshit, look how well rehab's worked so far. she'll do like before~fight w/staff, hook up w/another crackie then have an epic relapse upon release.
30 days of community labor. Haha, right. That one is probably the biggest joke of all. And 18 months of psychotherapy... this sentencing sounds like a giant commitment. No way in hell is this going to work out.
Sooprise. Sooprise. Sooprise.
18 months of psychotherapy???
=-O
What in ever loving good gravy hell did any psychotherapist do to deserve that? A year and a half of looking at Blohan and listening to that sandpaper voice? That psychotherapist will be in a straitjacket within a week!
Well, I'll bet the neighbors are just LOVIN' this!--Mama.
Who couldn't use a little rest? Someplace nice, like the "Lady Sings the Blues" facility: green, rolling lawns, white terry cloth robes, patios with iced decafs. I just hope she can stop biting the nurses.
Ok the prosecution gets to pick rehab place right?
let's all bow our heads and pray it's some American Horror Story sorta place.
I'd be cool with that.
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Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz
So, 180 days in jail for violating probation on the jooree theft if she doesn't do the 90 days of rehab, 30 days of community service and 18 months of psychotherapy as ordered? "HAHAHAHAHA!" indeed. It's been disappointing but at least I can do it with friends (... whom I've never met but love).
Submitted by Britneys cheap ... on Mon, 03/18/2013 - 2:25pm.
ML: He owes me gold!!
*Leprechaun lawyer runs off.
☆☆☆☆
That made me laugh so hard. Twice!
I wanna have her luck. This bitch gets away clean always
Same here. And it aint the luck of the Irish either--I wouldnt get away with stealing a piece of Bazooka Joe and yet she could probably kill someone and STILL skate.
Well, I'll bet the neighbors are just LOVIN' this!--Mama.
Same here. And it aint the luck of the Irish either--I wouldnt get away with stealing a piece of Bazooka Joe and yet she could probably kill someone and STILL skate.
Well, I'll bet the neighbors are just LOVIN' this!--Mama.
Submitted by luscious_t on Mon, 03/18/2013 - 2:31pm.
OMG - SHERIFF MANICURE FOR HOT SLUT OF THE DAY (the one on the right)!!!!
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Hot Slut indeed. Dem nails!
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"you chickens need to go back to the coup, you need to lay some fucking eggs and do your fucking job, you scrambled ass bitch!"-Shane Dawson