Beyonce Is As Subtle And Humble As Ever

The Beyhive fell off the damn tree, cracked open and all the Beyhivers went crazy yesterday when Beyonce released her first solo song in 2 years on Tumblr. Nobody knows if “Bow Down/I Been On” is the first single off her new album or if it’s just a song she decided to release to her subjects, because she really wanted to see them head bop their wigs off as they thrust against the floor to this mess of a song. The Catholic Church also announced that “Bow Down” will be Pope Francis the Fist’s new entrance anthem.

The song actually sounds like 4 songs crashing into each other. It’s like a car crash opera for my ears. In the first part, Beyonce sings about how her subjects better bow down and worship at the altar of her lace front and in the second part she drops her voice to do some rapping. Here’s a piece of the lyrics:

I took some time to live my life, but don’t think I’m just his little wife
Don’t get it twisted, get it twisted, this my shit, bow down bitches

Blue Ivy Carter better get song writing credit for this shit, because the second line is the first thing she said as soon as she came out of the womb.

And if you need to hear this corrupted MIDI file of a song, spray holy water in your ears before pressing play, because this is an Illuminati aria if I ever heard one.

With that being said, I can’t wait to see the Glittery Gays of You Tube twerking their asses to this in their mother’s front room. They better pull out their Barbie My Size Royal Throne Playset from storage, because this song is going to need some regal props.