Presenting The Headline Of My Life

March 17, 2013 / Posted by:

I didn’t even read the whole story. I don’t know the context. I don’t want to know the context. The only thing I need to know is how much can I sell all my stuff for? How much do I need to pay Cressida Bonas off to go away? How much is a one-way ticket to London? How can sneak my dog past customs without his ass ending up in quarantine? (“Um, Michael, I’m pretty sure you’ll be the one who ends up in quarantine.“- you) Because I will sit in front of Buckingham Palace and refresh Grindr until Prince Hot Ginge’s profile comes up. You heard PHG. He’s going to go gay once his relationship (or whatever you want to call it) with Cressida goes south. If he’s lying, that’s a highly illegal royal offense (not really) and he should be sent to the dungeon for life! To really punish him, put him in the same cell as me, because I’ll be there for smuggling my dog into the country. It’s the perfect plan!

(Thanks, Sara!)

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