The Sky Dancers look like they twirled right out of the glitter-covered pastel vagine of the 1980s, but they were actually born in the middle of the 90s. They first came out in 1994 and quickly became the gayest, greatest and most fabulous weapon of choice for kids. You’d put your Sky Dancer on a base, pull the string and she’d spin up into the air. Because kids are always trying to murder each other, they’d shoot Sky Dancers at each other’s faces. If you’re going to get your eye poked out, you might as well get it poked by a Sky Dancers’ wing. The wings were made of foam, but over 100 parents complained about their kids getting hurt by a flying wing, so the Sky Dancers were pulled off of the shelves in 2000. They made a short-lived comeback in 2005.
Here’s the original commercial:
So precious, so pretty and so graceful. They’re like something Clay Aiken might fart up. I bet that the Scientologists bought as many Sky Dancers as they could, because when the human vs. alien war finally goes down, they’re going to launch these at us from behind their fortress. These definitely look like Scientology fighter jets and they’re totally going to win the war because of them.
There was also a Sky Dancers cartoon!
Never 4get Sky Dancers! Nobody bitch slapped children like the Sky Dancers.