So, I Guess Tara Reid Fell Face First Off The Wagon

March 15, 2013 / Posted by:

Although, I don’t think Tara Reid’s ass was ever on the wagon. Shit, I don’t even think she’s searched Travelocity for a wagon ticket.

The original Lohan was drunk on Wednesday night and left Emerson Nightclub looking dozed off, broke off and fifty shades of fucked up. If you put her on a sofa and scattered Funyun crumbs all over her, she’d look exactly like me on a Sunday afternoon. The Daily Mail has pictures of Tara Reid walking around the streets barefoot. I don’t know who Hazmat should visit first, her feets or the pavement. Apparently, Tara Reid gets barefoot drunk on the regular (DUH) and her friends are telling Radar that they’re worried about her. They want her to go to rehab again. One source said this:

“Last night’s episode at the Emerson wasn’t a one off. Only a few weeks ago, Tara was sat at a VIP table next to the DJ slurring her words, unsteady on her feet and propped up on a friend’s shoulder most of the night. Everyone’s really concerned for her right now and we’ve all told her that she needs to calm down with the partying.

The way Tara’s behaving at the moment, she’s going to have to head back to rehab for treatment if she doesn’t get a grip on things — and more than a few pals have told her that, but she’s just ignoring everyone and continuing to do her thing. So, for now, all we can do is keep a close eye on her, see how she is and hope that she’s just going through a phase, and she’ll come to her senses again soon enough. It’s really tragic seeing her like this – after all, she’s 37 now. It’s not cool to be seen staggering out of nightclubs at that age.”

The source can eat my drunk fart. I still have a few years before I get to 37, but if staggering out of a nightclub (or in my case, the Sizzler that’s a $10 cab ride from my apartment) isn’t cool, then I never want to be cool. And Tara Reid would’ve never gotten full Dina Lohan if Jedward were around. Looking at Jedward makes you feel like you’re jacked up on acid, so you don’t need any mind numbing substances to take you higher.

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