But Why Is She Sitting On A Table?

March 14, 2013 / Posted by:

For the second time in the history of Vogue and the second time in the history of Michelle Obama, Michelle Obama is on the cover of Vogue. The pictures were shot by Annie Leibovitz and if Annie Leibovitz got her way, FLOTUS (Side note: Every time I hear or read the term FLOTUS, I always have to ask myself, “Wasn’t Flotus a character in She-Ra?”) would’ve been posing naked in a tub full of milk or some crap like that. Annie Leibovitz wanted to do it the Annie Leibovitz way. But FLOTUS rolled her eyes at that, because she has to keep things dignified and also because the milk in the tub wasn’t fat-free. Let’s move!

The cover isn’t working for me at all and it isn’t because they were a little heavy with the Photoshop and it’s also not because her hair makes her look like the lost member of The Ramones. It’s because she’s sitting on a damn table! Now, I’m a total piece of unpolished trash and the last person who should be ranting about etiquette, but this is the First Lady. The First Lady shouldn’t be leaning against or sitting on a table. I need Edward Lewis from Pretty Women to tell Michelle Obama that there’s four other chairs here. There’s a reason why they’re called tables and not stools!

And how is she going to sit on a table that’s got a glass vase full of flowers on it?! What if she sat on that table a little too much and that glass vase fell off and broke on the floor? The sound of breaking glass would’ve made the Secret Service bust into the room and they would’ve thrown their bodies on Michelle Obama while shooting at everyone else in there. And it would’ve been because somebody just had to tell Michelle Obama to sit on a table. I bet it was Annie Leibovitz’s idea. ARREST HER NOW!

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